Once you believe, salvation is yours. That's it, you're saved. Now you need to understand what it means to be saved.
Does being saved means you're automatically changed as a person? Of course not! As with everything that God does, there IS a process, there IS a state of change that has to take place, and there ARE resistances (from us, from our own selves). Many who are saved, carry on doing the things they've done BEFORE they were saved. But what does that say?
God is the same, now and forever, but don't think for a second that it means He is forever in a state of not-moving. If you read His word, you will see that He is constantly moving FORWARD. In that same line of thought, shouldn't we be moving forward? For the better?
If we claim that we are following the one true God, where does His traits reflect in our lives? Which part of us reflect His attributes?
Many of us cling on to the past, hanging on for dear life to that "sweet" suffering. We can say that we've let go, that we've moved onwards. But be honest, if someone were to come along and do the EXACT thing that they did to you in the past, would you be able to handle it? Chances are, you'd react the exact same way that you reacted in the past, albeit in greater measure.
So why do you do it? Why do you clutch on to the pain? And when God comes in to your life to REMOVE it, you get angry! You start to justify it as "experience", giving all the excuses to hold on to it.
Let go. Let go of all the obstacles in your way, let go of that painful memory that memory that you've grown so attached to, let go of all those thoughts of victimization, embarrassing memories, shame and disgrace. Surrender it to God, and let Him take it away from you. He came to die for all these things. Not one of these are too small or too big for Him.
It took me awhile to let go of my own memories of pain and frustration. But as I've come this far, I realize that most of the time, the first step to letting go is to forgive. Forgive that person, forgive the people who laughed at you, forgive them for all these things that they have done... forgive -yourself- for the mistakes you have made. Do not be afraid to forgive yourself. Let it go and move forward.
God is waiting for you, with His arms open wide, waiting for you to return to Him. And I tell you this, when He sees you turning back to Him, He will run out to meet you. He will find you. But you must make the first choice. Choose to find Him, cry out to Him, LOOK for Him. It will be a start of a new day for you, the moment you seek Him. Ask Him for understanding and wisdom. Ask Him to teach you how to forgive, how to REALLY forgive, and not just utter empty words.
Your heart must forgive. It will be a lie, if your heart does not, and you speak empty words.
If you find that you can't forgive, all the more you should seek God. Seek Him, He -will- teach you how to forgive, and how to be forgiven. All will be well, because He is your Father who loves you. Yes, you.
This is how faithful the Father is -to- us. He will do these things.
"The LORD said, "They are my people; they will not deceive me." And so he saved them..."
Isaiah 63:8
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